Puella Magi Madoka Magica

This series means so much to me. I first discovered it when I was 10, and I only finished it a year later because it was too confusing for me to finish at first. When it finally clicked for 11 year old me, I was so excited.

I showed my best friend at the time, and he loved it, too. We would stay up all night listening to the soundtrack and discussing the movie and show (we were both undiagnosed autistic kids.) I still remember those times as some of the best in my life.

I wouldn't even know where to start with describing this show to someone. I would only recommend they watch to see for themselves. When I was 13, I made a Google Doc about Madoka Magica, and I'd write all about the symbolism and themes of the show in it. I love how much depth there is, especially in the movie, it feels like every scene has a deeper meaning to uncover.

I want to eventually make a shrine for this series to go more in depth about what it means to me, but I've projected myself onto the main character, Madoka, as a coping mechanism ever since I first watched PMMM, and it's helped me through a lot. I'm nervous for the new movie to come out, I hope it does the show justice. I've been attached to it for so long that I'm sort of nervous for the movie. I hope it still feels the same for me. I would love to show my Madoka cosplay here sometime when I take new pictures!

Serial Experiments Lain

Serial Experiments Lain, aired in 1999, follows enigmatic 14 year old Lain Iwakura's obsession with the Wired, a global network much like the internet, as she slowly begins to question her identity, and eventually the nature of her very existence as she learns more about herself and others' perceptions of her. Lain's vulnerability as she attempts to understand her reality is taken advantage of on the Wired, and often it's hard for even the viewer to understand what's real and what isn't. I also hope to make a shrine for this anime at some point! I'd love to ramble more about the philosphies found within the show, as well as the interesting parallels between the themes of conspiracy theories and indoctrination with modern-day internet culture, especially in communities such as 4chan's /pol/ and similar extremist spaces.

There's also a PS1 game that was released at the same time as the anime which places Lain in different life circumstances. It's much darker than the show, taking away her support systems which leaves her even more isolated, leaving her with an even more fragile sense of reality and bringing her to a different conclusion about herself. It's left somewhat open-ended about what Lain truly is, but I believe that the conclusion Lain comes to in the anime is closer to the truth than in the game.

Both the game and show are cannon, so I interpret the title of the series, "Serial Experiments", to be referring to the different situations Lain is shown under and how those environmental factors play a role in who she decides she is in the end. It's like we're observing her put through different "experiments" to see how she reacts. You can play the English translation of the Lain game here.

Alien Nine

Although only four episodes long, Alien Nine had a big impact on me when I watched it. The main character's struggle with depression and trauma throughout the course of the show is the most realistic and relatable I've personally seen in an anime. Most dramatize it or showcase it through some sort of symbolism, but in Alien Nine, it feels so raw.

Yuri Otani is a 12 year old girl who is selected in her class to bare the duty of fighting aliens that attack the school at random, along with 2 other girls from the same school. Yuri is terrified of aliens. She's lousy at fighting because she freezes up when faced with one of the grotesque creatures, and she feels completely useless as a result. Throughout the episodes, we watch her get sadder and sadder as she begins to spend most of her time in bed, not sleeping well because of her trauma nightmares and feeling too depressed to hang out with her friends.

Yuri's depression isn't something she gracefully hides behind a smile, it's not poetic or romantic, it's humiliating for her. She's always crying over "small" things. She weighs everyone else down, and knowing that just makes it hurt even more. Although the show was so short, the way mental health is portrayed feels more realistic than most. I want to read the continuation manga at some point, but I don't like reading online and the physical copies are very rare, and therefore rather expensive.